5. Working with Children & Animals Award

Winner: 'Little' donkey

An Anglican vicar from Southampton decided to do a St Francis of Assisi by bringing live animals into a church service for the annual Nativity Play. Church often makes animals nervous, with predictable results, but no one could have been prepared for what happened in the middle of this Nativity service. 'The donkey developed a huge and distracting erection,' reports the vicar.

In a saintly act of humility, the vicar in question has asked to remain anonymous. Our efforts to trace the donkey have so far proved unavailing.

Runners-up

• From Mark & Carolyn Gilmore, of Montevideo, Uruguay – We work in a community-based project on the outskirts of Montevideo called St James, and a few years ago on our feast day, the bishop came to celebrate the eucharist and do a few baptisms at the small community centre. He of course came in full episcopal attire and as he made his dramatic entrance, to the silence of the small crowded room, a little voice unused to such Anglican pomp and circumstance piped up, saying: 'Daddy, are there going to be clowns as well?' Received 35% of the vote.

• From Rev Janet Sidey of Toronto, Canada – When Rev Janet asked the children on Epiphany Sunday at St Barnabas Anglican Church, Toronto, if they could name the three gifts of the Magi, 'gold' and 'frankincense' were no problem. However, 'myrrh' was a tough one for the children, so she tried to prompt them: 'It's a special kind of spice...' she suggested. One child pounced on this: 'Pot?' he guessed. Received 16% of the vote.

• A confession from Rev Andrew Twilley, of Birmingham, England – Rev Andrew confesses to a momentary lapse of concentration when working with children: At the start of a children's song I got all the children to take a really deep breath. At that moment, someone diverted my attention. I returned two minutes later to find that one child had held his breath too long... and had fainted!' Received 10% of the vote.

© Ship of Fools 1999