4. OHP & Hymn Sheet Error of the Year

Winner: 'I believe in... the Virgin Edna'

The secretary of a downtown Toronto church, faced with the prospect of producing two funeral leaflets for the same day, complained to the rector of the parish about the extra work which this entailed. He, being dangerously computer-literate, advised her that, since the same form would be used for both services, she had only to employ the 'search-and-replace' function to remove 'Mary' (the first of the departed) from the document and replace her with 'Edna' for the second service.

All went well until the congregation arrived at the Creed: '...and in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord, Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Edna...'

Runners-up

• From a British shipmate – One worship time at my church, during the Vineyard song, 'I can feel you flowing through me, Holy Spirit, come and fill me up', the words appeared on our swanky new video projector thingy as... 'Holy Spirit, come and feel me up.' Received 22% of the vote.

• An English local radio report – A church rector was left red-faced when he handed out 'blue' hymn sheets to his congregation in front of the archdeacon. The 240 churchgoers at St Mary's Church in Martham, Norfolk, were shocked as they glanced at the final hymn and read one of the verses they were expected to sing...

  Lord, your Church on earth is seeking
  power and wisdom from above:
  Teach us all the art of spanking
  with the accents of your love.

  The very next verse began with the words: 'You release us from our bondage...' Received 20% of the vote.

• From a Massachusetts shipmate – My low-budget evangelical church uses transparencies of hymns for the worship service. The overworked pastor used to type up the transparencies until, when keying in the hymn, 'Crown Him with Many Crowns', this laughable typo appeared: 'Awake, my soul, and sin...' Received 7% of the vote.

© Ship of Fools 1999