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The church: The Cathedral Church of St Peter and the Holy and Indivisible Trinity, Gloucester, England.
Denomination: Church of England.
The building: The really classy website made me curious and it really is a magnificent building. Gloucester is such a downbeat place with streets paved in chewing gum and seagull splat. However, the cathedral is of golden limestone and I read that it is one of Europe's most beautiful and magnificent cathedrals. It is basically a Romanesque abbey with early perpendicular architecture as an overlay. The cloisters are complete and need to be seen to be believed.
The church: They reckon they are the friendliest cathedral in the country – this was borne out by my having several friendly chats with welcomers and stewards on duty. There was a very jolly woman priest who cracked a joke with me. Friendly, yes, but the congregation was also very elderly and I think quite eclectic.
The neighbourhood: Night life in Gloucester seems to be bit of a pub crawl. Barton Street and the Tredworth area is interesting, with a multi-ethnic feel about it. Gloucetershire itself is varied with the beautiful Forest of Dean just up the road; the wild River Severn and the Cotswold Hills.
The cast: Judith Hubbard-Jones, the Chaplain, presided; Nick Bury, the Dean, preached; some other clerics whose names I didn't get.
7.00am Ascension Day Solemn Eucharist, sung and with incense.
How full was the building?
Fairly empty. The service took place in the Quire and Presbytry – about 40 in the congregation, 20 in the choir, four robed clergy and four servers – there seemed a lot of gaps. It was rather early in the morning, so there were a lot of tired-looking folk around.
Did anyone welcome you personally?
An elderly steward on duty gave me a printed form of service, produced specially for the occasion. She was rather severely dressed and I felt I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her. Another steward directed me to my seat – he seemed quite jovial.
Was your pew comfortable?
I sat in the old choir stalls. My seat had a comfortable cushion, lovingly hand-stitched with Dick Whittington on it.
How would you describe the pre-service atmosphere?
Quite a long wait for the choir to appear. Apparently the Dean had overslept and so the choir and clergy waited a bit. As it was so early in the morning everyone was a bit subdued.
What were the exact opening words of the service?
The service opened with the hymn, "Hail the day that sees him rise," sung by the choir and congregation. The clergy still hadn't appeared at this point.
What books did the congregation use during the service?
Printed service sheet, old English Hymnal.
What musical instruments were played?
Cathedral organ.
Did anything distract you?
The lateness of the Dean was of interest to all as he rubbed his eyes and openly admitted at the beginning of his sermon that he was late and had overslept. The woman priest and the server with the thurible did an excellent job with producing as many clouds of incense as possible.
Was the worship stiff-upper-lip, happy clappy, or what?
Apart from the sermon and the billows of smoke, the liturgy was very controlled and formal. But there was also a feeling of "let's break out", especially by the choir boys, who were happy to rush up the 269 steps to the top of the tower to sing an anthem at the end of the liturgy.
Exactly how long was the sermon?
About 8 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10, how good was the preacher?
8 – He was human and didn't pretend that some 15 minutes before he had been sound asleep. He was amusing and witty and sleepy-eyed all at once, which is very clever indeed.
In a nutshell, what was the sermon about?
Being early!
Which part of the service was like being in heaven?
Early sunlight through the east window, swirling clouds of incense, choir singing from the top of tower outside.
And which part was like being in... er... the other place?
A strange-looking woman in her sixties dressed in a mini skirt and high clacky heels, who had long hair trying to look like something younger, looked daggers at me during the procession at the end as though she thought I was going to bite her. I found her most off-putting in spite of all the "we are a friendly cathedral" stuff I had been given earlier.
What happened when you hung around after the service looking lost?
We all ended up having breakfast together at one of the Canons' houses. Bacon, tinned tomato, lashings of toast and marmalade. The strange woman still glared at me, although everyone else was jolly.
How would you describe the after-service coffee?
The choirboys certainly tucked in. I decided life in a cathedral close is not so bad if this sort of thing happens.
How would you feel about making this church your regular (where 10 = ecstatic, 0 = terminal)?
4 – The priests still celebrate facing eastwards, with their backs to the congregation, and there was an old-fashioned feeling of stale liturgy that had ceased to be exciting. It needs to be moved on and the music was totally out of touch. However, people were friendly apart from the glaring woman.
Did the service make you feel glad to be a Christian?
Not really.
What one thing will you remember about all this in seven days' time?
The lovely incence and the breakfast afterwards.
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