9. Moses Nutcracker

Until now, he's maintained the quiet dignity of a biblical patriarch at ease with
the chilly solitude of the mountaintop. While Padre Pio became a keyring, Mother
Teresa a singing doll, and JC himself a hot air balloon, the supreme architect of
Judaism exuded a lofty detachment from the world of religious kitsch.

But our friends at Tyrol have finally got his head out of the clouds. Our stone
tablet-wielding hero of the faith has taken a tragic fall from the summit of Sinai.
Once Egyptian- slayer, now nutcracker, this het-up Moses is giving the people of
Israel some serious stick. "I've ground your golden calf into powder," he is saying,
"now watch me go to work on a Brazilian or two." The 6 inch Steinbach Moses
Nutcracker, handcrafted in Germany. Yours for $49.95.

"Crushed nuts, Pharaoh?" "No, Moses, this is the way I always walk..."

© Ship of Fools 1999